maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
