Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
