Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
