I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
