well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
