I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
