Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
