Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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