Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
