My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
