Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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