there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
do herpes really smell.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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