well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
