Redeem this text for a blowjob
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
