Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
