You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
