I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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