i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
