I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
