I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
