I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
