i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
