wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
