The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
