found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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