I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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