wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
