she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
