1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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