a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Every concussion has its silver lining
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
