Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
