I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
