For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
