My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
