Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
