Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
