I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
