I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
