I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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