Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
