I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
