What did we do last night that was yellow?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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