Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
