We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
