great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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