I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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