apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
