TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
