tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
