I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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