i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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