Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
